Am I Trans Enough?
Do you sometimes feel like you are failing at being multiple genders?
Are you not sure if you are man enough to be a man, or woman enough to be a woman? Do you feel stuck in-between somehow?
Transition, whether you are binary or non-binary, can throw you into a liminal space between genders that can be confusing and disorienting.
How does this space feel to you?
There is No ‘Trans Enough’
If you are your happiest self in the place between male and female, you are probably non-binary and I love that for you. There is nothing wrong with “failing” to be a man or a woman if that’s not what you want to be.
You don’t have to justify your identity by performing femininity (or masculinity) perfectly. You can be yourself, whoever you are.
However, if you are upset in this space between genders and feel like you are not feminine enough to be a trans woman, or masculine enough to be a trans man, you might just be stuck in patterns that are holding you back.
Why Do I Feel Like I Am In-Between Genders? Am I Trans Enough?
Sometimes feeling like your assigned gender at birth rather than your true self is a result of the situations and relationships you are in.
We develop a lifetime’s worth of habits and behavior patterns that don’t just disappear when we transition. They need to be consciously rewired.
For example, if you’re in a relationship with someone of the opposite gender and you transition, suddenly you find yourself in a relationship with someone of the same gender.
If you used to hold the masculine space of comforting and supporting, maybe you find yourself doing that automatically - only now, it feels dysphoric because you want to be on the receiving end of that kind of attention.
These habitual roles are everywhere, and if you don’t pay attention, they can work against your transition by keeping you locked into behaviors that you don’t want to continue.
You can turn these situations around by healthily communicating your needs so that people have a better understanding of how you want to be treated.
If your partner is consciously or unconsciously making you feel like you are a gender you are not, you can talk to them about it in a way that leaves them space to grow and accommodate you.
For example, if you feel pressed into a masculine supportive role when you want to receive care, you can talk to your partner about how they can take over the masculine side (sometimes!) so that you can feel affirmed.
The conversations tend to go best when you move away from an accusatory place and create space for the other person. It can be frustrating to be pushed into the wrong gendered space, but this might not be intentional on the other person’s part.
Give other people the benefit of the doubt, and express how you feel without attacking them or putting all of the responsibility on their shoulders.
Sometimes these conversations are scary to start, but a healthy dialogue can help other people understand how to support you so that you feel more like your gender every day.
Finding Your Inner Voice with Mindfulness
Sometimes other people can make you feel like the gender you were assigned at birth rather than who you really are - but sometimes the person holding you back is you.
If you aren’t conscious of your daily routine behaviors, you might not notice that they are making you dysphoric and keeping you from accessing your true self.
Sometimes your projections and expectations about your gender can block you from expressing and being who you really are.
The way you get out of bed in the morning, sit on a couch or lift your chin a little bit to acknowledge someone can all be dysphoric, even if you didn’t notice it before. It’s easy to buy a new dress and feel like your gender, but it’s much harder to change the mannerisms and ways of being that have been with you your entire life.
One of the best ways to clear out the past and embrace your truth is with mindfulness. If you want to be guided through the process of creating space for the new you by clearing out the past, check out this meditation on finding your inner voice:
You Are Trans Enough
You don’t have to perform masculinity or femininity perfectly to be trans.
Part of the beautiful journey of transition is leaving behind the past and embracing the new, which is a conscious rather than automatic process.
You can leave behind past relationship patterns by having healthy conversations with the people in your life about how you want to be treated.
You can start to leave behind the unconscious behavior patterns that make you feel dysphoric by bringing mindfulness and awareness to the situation and experimenting with new ways of being.
If you’d like to talk to more trans people about this, join our discord community, where some great conversations are happening. You can also sign up for the email list to receive regular emails from me and updates about the Trans club. Don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube Channel and hit the bell to get notified about each new video!
You are trans enough.
If you feel like you’re stuck between genders and can’t represent your true self, you might just be trapped in past patterns.
The good news is that you have the power to undo these patterns and create new ones, by re-examining your relationship with others and your relationship with yourself.
